destructiveoneliners

ding ding ding

you've entered the ring

IM NOT SCARED EXCEPT SOMETIMES ARE YOU?

proceed with caution

1. i have gotten way too comfortable with blowing my nose into my t-shirt.

2. My period is late and I blame it on my current belief that I’m better off alone.

3. I'm bored but I don't think I'll ever fuck anyone in this town. if I do, I'll blow my nose into their t-shirt.

4. I THINK MY FAVORITE PLACE TO BE IS IN THE CLOUDS.

5. I GOT CUT OFF BY A FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND MY SEAT BUDDY CALLED ME A FREE SPIRIT.

6. I HAD A FRIEND'S PARENT TELL ME I'D MAKE A GOOD FLIGHT ATTENDANT. SOMETIMES, WHEN I'M ON THE TOILET, I WONDER WHY.

7. RED FLAGS CAN LOOK OFF-WHITE.

8. I THINK STRIPPERS ARE ANGELS IN DISGUISE. MAYBE THE FALLEN KIND, BUT ANGELS NONETHELESS.

9. I WONDER WHEN I'LL MEET THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. I'M WRITING ALL OF THIS DOWN WITH A UNICORN PEN.

10. TONIGHT I FELT NAUGHTY AFTER A SHIFT DRINK SO I WENT HOME, GOT HIGH AND TRIED TO WATCH THE LITTLE PRINCE BUT SOMEONE CHANGED THE NETFLIX PASSWORD.

11. i love when he hides his face in my collarbone.

12. dude don’t even worry about it i think about killing myself sometimes too!

13. STOP GIVING ME THE COVID LOOK WHEN I COUGH. CAN'T YOU SEE THERE'S A VAPE IN MY HAND?

14. being in love with a narcissist is like trying to orgasm on zoloft.

15. this diet coke is tickling my kidney stones.

16. I TRY NOT TO PASS OUT FROM THOUGHT ALONE, ON A DAILY BASIS.

17. cowboys use spotify too.

18. the beginners mind; while it lacks the subtlety and nuance of an expert // vomits the creativity and curiosity of a newborn.

19. kevin killed a guy over mile high apple pie in Boston.

20. where’s the line between radical honesty and a total lack of respect?

21. I fall in love with people I don't really know and I don't know why.

22. i love when people have money and give it to me.

23. I get nauseous while working on my laptop because I rock my head to the music playing in my AirPods but its a sacrifice im willing to make. Especially if MF Doom is involved.

24. I gliteratti with the fenty.

25. Even though I switched to Safari months ago I’ll still open Chrome first. are we that hardwired against change?

26. WOMEN cry, no one hugs them.