loveletters

#LoveLettertoMyBedsheets

i’ve been losing my mind for the last 3 weeks:)

my bed sheets are wet

the dryer at the laundromat stopped working

and i ran out of quarters

so i stuffed the sheets into my hamper

took them home

and laid them out to dry on the fence in the yard

then it rained

so i brought them in, wet.

i find it funny how the only time it rains in the desert i have bed sheets drying outside.

anyways, i hang them up on my shower rod and then

i get high.

i decide to love myself with a nice, hot shower

my hair hasnt been brushed in a very long time

my makeup has been slowly leaking down from my eyelids to my eye circles creating this like sad, rocker chick situation which i’m not necessarily against. it kind of helps me put a name to the game. hmm i-den-tity?

so i turn the water on and go over to the sink where i start to brush my hair, put on an aztec clay face mask, stare at myself in the mirror and wonder: WHATMAKESTHISCLAYAZTEC, even?

when i opened the shower door the half of the sheets that was hanging from the rod inside it were wet.

so i pulled them down and hugged them close to say i’m sorry, you do so much for me and i just want to make sure i do the same for you.

so i spread them out on my kitchen table like a tablecloth hoping the heater nearby would warm them up at least.

i showered and had a wonderful time

i thought a lot

i’ve been thinking so much lately that i can feel my head aching.

and yours might be too listening to me say all of this. i say listening because i’m writing the way I speak, on purpose, bc i think my voice should be loud and clear in your head the way it is in mine.

the remedy seems to be on the other side of this toilet of an experience and i keep reminding myself that the dark scary woods in fairy tales aren’t in the beginning or end, they’re in the middle. but what if the woods go on for infinity? i was never good at math.

when i got out of the shower i heard a knocking

i thought it was the brian jonestown massacre song blasting from my speaker so i ignored it and started to blow dry my hair because if you don’t immediately blow dry your bangs after a shower you look like an infant dork

but then the song ended and the knocking didn’t stop so i opened my door in a towel with my bedsheet/table cloth peaking out from behind me. we were both wet and vulnerable.

it was a group of people i forgot i had invited over.

so i let them in and got dressed in the black jeans kendra gifted me before hitting the road in her van. and my worn out vintage mtv tshirt.

they set all their drinks and shit down on the table / tablecloth / bedsheets and i didn’t say anything because i thought it was weird that i had my bed sheets on my dining table but i felt the sheets looking at me like please help and i was like wow that edible was no joke.

so the night began and i like the nighttime because it’s when kindred spirits come alive and i can talk to people about silly things like the ego’s addiction to drama or like how packed marfa burrito was on a monday morning because it’s spring break and some girls asked me to take their photo in front of frama’s marfa mural where i was actually sitting working on my laptop so i had to move all my stuff take their photo and move it back and they didn’t even look like they were having a good time cause it’s just a mural at a coffee shop that they didn’t buy anything from and wait where did my bedsheets go?

#LoveLettertoMarfa

dear marfa,

you cute ass creature

you probably get this all the time but...

i think i'm falling in love with you.

i remember when we first locked eyes

god, it was so steamy.

no, like my car was literally steaming.

you stopped me right in my tracks

or i guess yours

since my power steering went out and i halted to a stop at the railroad tracks by the wine shop. (hi dyer!)

i love a town that knows what it wants.

you took the alternator right out of my jeep

and left me wandering around your streets looking...

for a clue on how to survive you.

also a guy named Hector? does anyone know where i can find Hector?

that was our first google review rendezvous.

no, shh. don't feel bad about that.

i should've known the auto shop hadn't been open for years.

you really know how to keep me on my toes.

might want to reconsider that though. seems like a lucrative business out here... just saying.

OH. and that sweet, sweet note... the "fuck U die" on the dumpster i'd walk by every night? you just get me.

at first, you played hard to get. clever little trick you pulled there - can't get a job without a place to live, in a place where there's nowhere TO live.

all it took was a week to land in the most nourishing, fucking confusing movie set of a life i've ever lived.

it was a night at The Capri around a fire of strangers

a dia de los muertos ceremony at Marfa Open where i met a man named Sandro and tried sotol from an unmarked jug while we talked connection with loved ones on the other side

it was a trip to Presidio for car parts with a one-eyed stranger who walked me through his whole spiritual awakening...

...and then took me to the place i now live and work like it was his mission to launch mine.

we finished a whole pack of Crown's between the two of us that day.

it's the 6pm meditation at the library where you silently walk in a circle and are super confused at first but by the end just grateful for your own two feet to stand on.

or the woman at the laundromat who helped me, teary-eyed and frustrated, figure out what the hell goes where. she touched my face like an angel sent from above and said something in Spanish that felt like a blessing. that or "if you're lost HERE... i'll be praying for you."

i must have fallen in love every day that week. i still do...

and here i am wondering how i got lucky enough to land here. but also realizing that this relationship takes work... cause you're kind of a dick sometimes!

out here it's no longer me against the neuroses of the city. it's me against the elements; having to team up with my biggest enemy - myself. it toughens me up in all the right places and i like looking good for my boo.

and by elements i mean like the landmines of goatheads you dodge on your kitchen floor. or the wind that knocks out your cell service for a few days. maybe even like a $10 box of strawberries. it took me a few tries to hunt down an espresso martini but i found it!

you provide for me in all the right ways.

a random day off cause everyone is TOTALLY drained from this full moon. a dance party with a group of friends that turned into a band. (name undecided). a striking sunset that can make an athiest think of God. the fated run-in at the post office with someone you're crushing on.

speaking of which... i never thought i'd say this but if we opened up the relationship i'd like to bring Dollar General and Dairy Queen into the mix. could be fuuuun - we can talk about that later though.

so cheers to you, marfa. and cheers to all the beautiful people i've gotten the chance to love here / including the human girl in the mirror looking back at me.